Fall is in the air, can you feel it? Ahhh... we are very excited to welcome Fall back in our house! Here are a few things I am very much looking forward to in the next few months that really define "fall" for me:
* Visit the local pumpkin patch! - We take a hayride out to a pumpkin patch & the girls get to pick out a pumpkin of their choice. Last year I pretty much did the picking myself as they were still a little young, although Jaelyn did love the big pumpkins. This year I really can't wait to see the looks on their faces in the pumpkin patch and to see how big the pumpkins are I am going to end up carrying home!
* Harvest Festival! - Oct. 9, 10 & 11 is our annual Harvest Festival which is literally in our back yard. (No Really!) There is everything from funnel cake, carmel apples to cheesesteaks and manwiches! Abbie will hopefully, fingers crossed, be big enough to ride a few of the cute kiddie rides with her big sister this year!
* Halloween! - I've always loved Halloween. The girls costumes this year definitely fit their individual personalities. I was trying to do a 'theme' type with the 2 of them but I realized, its OK for them to be their own person with their own costume! I will be sure to take lots of pictures as we go door to door for lots of goodies.
* Thanksgiving! - We always have Thanksgiving Dinner at our house and I don't see that being any different this year. I love that our family can get together, laugh, catch up and if the weather is nice enough, head outside with the kids to work off some of that HUGE dinner! Mmmm Turkey, Stuffing, Cranberry Sauce, Sweet Potatoes... not too mention the awesome desserts!!
As the Fall season approaches you can feel the air turner crisper and the smiles on our faces getting bigger. Along with the above, I do hope we will be one step closer to making our adoption final. THAT would be the best fall memory of all! ♥
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Happy Birthday, Jaelyn!
We celebrated Jaelyn's 3rd Birthday on Sunday, August 29th with friends, family & loved ones! It was a beautiful day, perhaps a little on the 'hot' side beings it is almost September and the temperature was in the high 90s!
The Birthday Girl started off the morning with her favorite "Goo Berry" pancakes, a smile and excitement in the air. She was almost too excited for a nap but after convincing her there would be cupcakes, friends and games to play once she woke up, she went out like a light for a good 2 hours!
As promised she woke up to a funfilled day! Hours and hours of playing, eating cake, opening presents and smiling from ear to ear. It was enough to make any 'mouse squeek' with delight!
Here are some special moments captured:
The Birthday Girl with her cake - made especially by Aunt Jo!
The BIG Present! Barbie Jammin' Jeep!
Do a little dance...
Yay for the Bouncy House!
The Minnie Cake
All Smiles!!!
The Birthday Girl started off the morning with her favorite "Goo Berry" pancakes, a smile and excitement in the air. She was almost too excited for a nap but after convincing her there would be cupcakes, friends and games to play once she woke up, she went out like a light for a good 2 hours!
As promised she woke up to a funfilled day! Hours and hours of playing, eating cake, opening presents and smiling from ear to ear. It was enough to make any 'mouse squeek' with delight!
Here are some special moments captured:
The Birthday Girl with her cake - made especially by Aunt Jo!
The BIG Present! Barbie Jammin' Jeep!
Do a little dance...
Yay for the Bouncy House!
The Minnie Cake
All Smiles!!!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E
M - I - C
See ya real soon...
K - E - Y
Why? Because it's going to be Jaelyn's 3rd Birthday!
M - O - U - S - E
Maybe you didn't get the hint. We are having the big '3' birthday party next Sunday on the 29th and it is of course, Mickey/Minnie Mouse themed! Jaelyn is absolutely in LOVE with Mickey & Minnie Mouse right now! We watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at least once a day, usually more on the weekends. So, there was no doubt that she would, of course, want a Minnie Mouse party (because Minnie is the girl mouse, haha - her words!). I made up her cute invitation seen here:
My talented Sister is making her adorable cake and we have everything from pin the bow on Minnie's head to bubbles to create your own Mickey/Minnie face for activities. I can't wait to see the smiling faces and pray, pray, pray for a nice day since we will most likely be outside!
OH.. and I cannot wait to see her face when she opens her birthday present from Mommy & Daddy. It's a surprise so YOU have to wait too!
See ya real soon...
K - E - Y
Why? Because it's going to be Jaelyn's 3rd Birthday!
M - O - U - S - E
Maybe you didn't get the hint. We are having the big '3' birthday party next Sunday on the 29th and it is of course, Mickey/Minnie Mouse themed! Jaelyn is absolutely in LOVE with Mickey & Minnie Mouse right now! We watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at least once a day, usually more on the weekends. So, there was no doubt that she would, of course, want a Minnie Mouse party (because Minnie is the girl mouse, haha - her words!). I made up her cute invitation seen here:
My talented Sister is making her adorable cake and we have everything from pin the bow on Minnie's head to bubbles to create your own Mickey/Minnie face for activities. I can't wait to see the smiling faces and pray, pray, pray for a nice day since we will most likely be outside!
OH.. and I cannot wait to see her face when she opens her birthday present from Mommy & Daddy. It's a surprise so YOU have to wait too!
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Blessing from Above
I just recently began to read a bedtime story to Jaelyn every night before she slumbers off into sweet dreams. It's nice for us both to have a little down time along with a little Mommy-Jaelyn bonding time. We have books galore so it's just a matter of picking one out, which sometimes takes longer than the actual reading part. Last night, Jaelyn picked out a Little Golden Book "A Blessing from Above". After get her all settled and tucked, I sat down beside her & opened up this book for the first time. What a great delight it was! The wording was simple but had a clear message. It begins with...
Every night before she goes to sleep, a kangaroo prays under the stars for a baby to love and hold. One day, as she rests under a tree, a baby bird falls out of its crowded nest...plop! right into her pouch!
What a cute illustration showing how the Momma Bird knows her nest is too crowded and that Momma Roo will take good care of the baby bird. No matter where the baby bird came from, it's still loved all the same.
Now, every night before they fall asleep, Momma-Roo and Little One thank God for all their blessings . . . but especially for each other.
I highly recommend this book for all families! No doubt it will leave a smile on your face.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Bonding Assessments
Our first bonding evaluations/assessments are scheduled for today. Abbie has an evaluation with her Birth-Mother at 2:30pm and Jaelyn has an evaluation with Chris & I at 4:00pm. Here is a little idea of what the bonding assessment is for and some background on how they are used in a case like ours:
I know its a lot of reading material but it does explain things well!
This information is courtesy of: http://alexanderphd.com/index.html
Q:
What is a Bonding Assessment?
A: In situations where child protection agencies, attorneys, or courts need feedback in deciding whether to work toward a return of custody – versus exploring options such as guardianship, change of placement, continued foster placement, or adoption – psychologists often complete what is termed a “bonding evaluation.” A bonding evaluation is a specialized type of assessment whose goal is to determine the nature and quality of the child’s attachments to birth and/or foster parents, often to address the question of who occupies the position of greatest centrality in a child’s emotional life. This is roughly equivalent to determining which adult(s) serve as the “psychological parent” to the child. While mostly conducted in the context of child welfare cases, bonding evaluations are also used in divorce and custody cases, particularly if there are questions about the bond and relationship between a young child and a parent.
While each evaluator may conduct a bonding assessment in different ways, there are common themes. Typically the evaluator pays close attention to certain characteristics between the parent and the child such as:
• The frequency and nature of touching between parent and child as an index of comfort level;
• Comfort seeking and guidance seeking behavior by the child;
• The capacity of the parent to engage the child effectively and to respond to the child’s expressed needs in an appropriate manner;
• Whether the parent and child make eye contact and smile at each other;
• Whether the child displays signs of upset if a separation occurs during the session;
• How the parent responds to the child’s signals of hunger, thirst, want of comfort, or need to use the bathroom;
• Whether the child is willing to explore the environment while the parent is in the same room.
Attachment theory plays a prominent part in parent-child assessments. It is generally accepted that children who are securely attached to a caregiver usually appear relaxed, happy, and enthusiastic while interacting with that person. Stereotyped reactions such as a forced laugh and severely limited range of responses during a session are much more likely to be present in conflicted relationships. With young children in particular, it is especially important to examine the caregiver’s ability to recognize and respond to the non-verbal cues put forth by the child [e.g., eye contact, smiling, reaching, crawling toward, etc.]. While some will make the argument that the adults in a bonding assessment will be on their best behavior and thus able to fool the examiner, this runs counter to attachment theory. Attachment cannot be faked and an evaluation of this nature is usually able to distinguish between behavior in the child that has been reinforced over time as opposed to the child’s short-term reactions to the immediate responses of the parent. Children know when someone is genuinely available to respond to their basic attachment needs.
One of the more important elements of the bonding assessment is the review of history. It is well-founded that history is often the best predictor of future behavior.
Another important element of a child’s history is the involvement of the birth or primary parent with the child. Even in the case of a child who has been placed with a foster parent at birth, a strong attachment is possible if the birth parent visits consistently and meets the child's needs in a variety of contexts. In such cases, consistent contact with the parent enables a young child to internalize an image of the adult as a caring and helpful figure. It is easier for a parent to assume a position of centrality in a child’s internal world in the event of a return of custody than it is for a parent who was previously in a peripheral position in the child’s inner mental life.
With respect to the term “bonding,” it is helpful to conceptualize this as a reciprocal attachment, which both parties want and expect to continue, and which is interrupted or terminated at considerable peril to the parties involved. Bonding can be specifically defined in four concrete and evidentiary ways, any one of which is sufficient to indicate its presence:
1. Time and place
2. The behavior of a child
3. Reciprocal attachment
4. Family identification
Humans bond by sharing important events in daily life such as eating, sleeping and playing with each other. Time spent together is one factual way to measure bonding. In a parent/child setting, bonding is likely after three months. Research indicates that this is the length of time that normal human beings take to adjust to new and/or difficult situations. Bonding is probable after six months. Most children will adjust and attach well within this period. Many courts and states acknowledge this fact when selecting adoptive homes. The Indiana Child Welfare Manual, for example, recommends that preference for adoption be given to foster parents who have had the child in their home for six months or more.
Bonding is almost certain after one year. One year is a long time in the life of a child. For this reason, the Adoption and Safe Families Act has attempted to set a limit on the time a child can be kept in temporary care. The Adoption and Safe Families Act recognizes that it is harmful-—and even abusive-—to move a child who has been with a family for one year or more.
Many state child welfare agencies have definitions of bonding that consider how the relationship is viewed by the rest of the community. This can include: a) the child identifies as a member of the family and the family considers the child to be a family member; b) the child is perceived to be a member of the family and is treated as such by the community such as school, friends, church, neighbors or extended family members; and c) the child has developed reliance upon and trust in the family while in their care.
Children form significant attachments to adults who meet their physical and emotional needs regardless of any biological connection. This bonding outweighs biological kinship, not because the biological parents may not have certain “rights,” but because these rights are superseded by the harm that can result from moving a bonded child.
Bonded relationships are critical in child development. When a bonded relationship is threatened or severed, trauma often results. Interrupted bonding takes a huge toll on human health and well-being. The younger the child and the deeper the bond, the more devastating will be the impact. Interrupted bonding commonly contributes to or causes many types of psychiatric disorders in children. Interrupted bonding may also lead to later and more serious adult disorders. It is this recognition that helps form the foundation of attachment theory. Multiple researchers throughout the years have consistently identified the correlation between disrupted bonding in infancy and the later development of significant psychiatric disturbance.
Fortunately, courts are recognizing the importance of bonding and attachment when considering placement decisions. The courts have used terms like “continuity of care” and “risk of transition” when describing the importance of attachment and keeping children in bonded relationships. The Washington Appellate Court, for example, wrote:
"...Evidence relevant to an adoptive placement decision may include, but is not limited to, the psychological and emotional bonds between the dependent child and its biological parents, its siblings, and its foster family; the potential harm the child may suffer if severed from contact with these persons as a result of placement decisions; the nature of the child’s attachment to the person or persons constituting the proposed placement; and the effect of an abrupt and substantial change in the child’s environment. An important objective is to maintain continuity in the child’s relationship with a parental figure and to avoid numerous changes in custody, if this is possible, without harm to the child. Where possible, the initial placement shall be viewed as the only placement for the child."
Finally, the Model Statute for Termination of Parental Rights, developed by the Neglected Children Committee of the National Council of Juvenile Court Judges notes that “Children have their own built-in time sense based on the urgency of their instinctual and emotional needs.” The Statute notes that what seems like a short wait for an adult can be an intolerable separation to a young child. Protection of children’s attachment to foster caregivers is mentioned in the Introduction, which asserts that repeated uprooting of children in placement who have become attached to serve their parents is “seriously detrimental to their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.” The Model Statute mandates that courts take into account “Whether said child has become integrated into the foster family to the extent that his familial identity is with that family.” The Statute instructs courts to note “the love, affection and other emotional ties existing between the child and the parent and his ties with the integrating family,” as well as “the capacity and disposition of a parent from whom he was removed as compared with that of the integrating family to give the child love, affection and guidance, and continuing the education of the child.”
I know its a lot of reading material but it does explain things well!
This information is courtesy of: http://alexanderphd.com/index.html
Q:
What is a Bonding Assessment?
A: In situations where child protection agencies, attorneys, or courts need feedback in deciding whether to work toward a return of custody – versus exploring options such as guardianship, change of placement, continued foster placement, or adoption – psychologists often complete what is termed a “bonding evaluation.” A bonding evaluation is a specialized type of assessment whose goal is to determine the nature and quality of the child’s attachments to birth and/or foster parents, often to address the question of who occupies the position of greatest centrality in a child’s emotional life. This is roughly equivalent to determining which adult(s) serve as the “psychological parent” to the child. While mostly conducted in the context of child welfare cases, bonding evaluations are also used in divorce and custody cases, particularly if there are questions about the bond and relationship between a young child and a parent.
While each evaluator may conduct a bonding assessment in different ways, there are common themes. Typically the evaluator pays close attention to certain characteristics between the parent and the child such as:
• The frequency and nature of touching between parent and child as an index of comfort level;
• Comfort seeking and guidance seeking behavior by the child;
• The capacity of the parent to engage the child effectively and to respond to the child’s expressed needs in an appropriate manner;
• Whether the parent and child make eye contact and smile at each other;
• Whether the child displays signs of upset if a separation occurs during the session;
• How the parent responds to the child’s signals of hunger, thirst, want of comfort, or need to use the bathroom;
• Whether the child is willing to explore the environment while the parent is in the same room.
Attachment theory plays a prominent part in parent-child assessments. It is generally accepted that children who are securely attached to a caregiver usually appear relaxed, happy, and enthusiastic while interacting with that person. Stereotyped reactions such as a forced laugh and severely limited range of responses during a session are much more likely to be present in conflicted relationships. With young children in particular, it is especially important to examine the caregiver’s ability to recognize and respond to the non-verbal cues put forth by the child [e.g., eye contact, smiling, reaching, crawling toward, etc.]. While some will make the argument that the adults in a bonding assessment will be on their best behavior and thus able to fool the examiner, this runs counter to attachment theory. Attachment cannot be faked and an evaluation of this nature is usually able to distinguish between behavior in the child that has been reinforced over time as opposed to the child’s short-term reactions to the immediate responses of the parent. Children know when someone is genuinely available to respond to their basic attachment needs.
One of the more important elements of the bonding assessment is the review of history. It is well-founded that history is often the best predictor of future behavior.
Another important element of a child’s history is the involvement of the birth or primary parent with the child. Even in the case of a child who has been placed with a foster parent at birth, a strong attachment is possible if the birth parent visits consistently and meets the child's needs in a variety of contexts. In such cases, consistent contact with the parent enables a young child to internalize an image of the adult as a caring and helpful figure. It is easier for a parent to assume a position of centrality in a child’s internal world in the event of a return of custody than it is for a parent who was previously in a peripheral position in the child’s inner mental life.
With respect to the term “bonding,” it is helpful to conceptualize this as a reciprocal attachment, which both parties want and expect to continue, and which is interrupted or terminated at considerable peril to the parties involved. Bonding can be specifically defined in four concrete and evidentiary ways, any one of which is sufficient to indicate its presence:
1. Time and place
2. The behavior of a child
3. Reciprocal attachment
4. Family identification
Humans bond by sharing important events in daily life such as eating, sleeping and playing with each other. Time spent together is one factual way to measure bonding. In a parent/child setting, bonding is likely after three months. Research indicates that this is the length of time that normal human beings take to adjust to new and/or difficult situations. Bonding is probable after six months. Most children will adjust and attach well within this period. Many courts and states acknowledge this fact when selecting adoptive homes. The Indiana Child Welfare Manual, for example, recommends that preference for adoption be given to foster parents who have had the child in their home for six months or more.
Bonding is almost certain after one year. One year is a long time in the life of a child. For this reason, the Adoption and Safe Families Act has attempted to set a limit on the time a child can be kept in temporary care. The Adoption and Safe Families Act recognizes that it is harmful-—and even abusive-—to move a child who has been with a family for one year or more.
Many state child welfare agencies have definitions of bonding that consider how the relationship is viewed by the rest of the community. This can include: a) the child identifies as a member of the family and the family considers the child to be a family member; b) the child is perceived to be a member of the family and is treated as such by the community such as school, friends, church, neighbors or extended family members; and c) the child has developed reliance upon and trust in the family while in their care.
Children form significant attachments to adults who meet their physical and emotional needs regardless of any biological connection. This bonding outweighs biological kinship, not because the biological parents may not have certain “rights,” but because these rights are superseded by the harm that can result from moving a bonded child.
Bonded relationships are critical in child development. When a bonded relationship is threatened or severed, trauma often results. Interrupted bonding takes a huge toll on human health and well-being. The younger the child and the deeper the bond, the more devastating will be the impact. Interrupted bonding commonly contributes to or causes many types of psychiatric disorders in children. Interrupted bonding may also lead to later and more serious adult disorders. It is this recognition that helps form the foundation of attachment theory. Multiple researchers throughout the years have consistently identified the correlation between disrupted bonding in infancy and the later development of significant psychiatric disturbance.
Fortunately, courts are recognizing the importance of bonding and attachment when considering placement decisions. The courts have used terms like “continuity of care” and “risk of transition” when describing the importance of attachment and keeping children in bonded relationships. The Washington Appellate Court, for example, wrote:
"...Evidence relevant to an adoptive placement decision may include, but is not limited to, the psychological and emotional bonds between the dependent child and its biological parents, its siblings, and its foster family; the potential harm the child may suffer if severed from contact with these persons as a result of placement decisions; the nature of the child’s attachment to the person or persons constituting the proposed placement; and the effect of an abrupt and substantial change in the child’s environment. An important objective is to maintain continuity in the child’s relationship with a parental figure and to avoid numerous changes in custody, if this is possible, without harm to the child. Where possible, the initial placement shall be viewed as the only placement for the child."
Finally, the Model Statute for Termination of Parental Rights, developed by the Neglected Children Committee of the National Council of Juvenile Court Judges notes that “Children have their own built-in time sense based on the urgency of their instinctual and emotional needs.” The Statute notes that what seems like a short wait for an adult can be an intolerable separation to a young child. Protection of children’s attachment to foster caregivers is mentioned in the Introduction, which asserts that repeated uprooting of children in placement who have become attached to serve their parents is “seriously detrimental to their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.” The Model Statute mandates that courts take into account “Whether said child has become integrated into the foster family to the extent that his familial identity is with that family.” The Statute instructs courts to note “the love, affection and other emotional ties existing between the child and the parent and his ties with the integrating family,” as well as “the capacity and disposition of a parent from whom he was removed as compared with that of the integrating family to give the child love, affection and guidance, and continuing the education of the child.”
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
So it has been said that "Good things come to those who wait." Well, I certainly hope so! It seems this ever, long, winding, twisting road we've been on shall continue for a bit longer. Mediation did not take place on Monday due to unforseen circumstances. As of right now we are in limbo on the next move & awaiting to hear what is in the works. So patience, patience, patience! Keep praying, crossing your fingers or whatever else it is you may do that we will soon have the answers we have been waiting to hear! ♥ I will keep you updated as to what is happening next. Bonding evaluations were originally on the schedule in the upcoming weeks but, I'm not sure if those will take place or not! Thank you for keeping us all in your thoughts.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Masterpiece
I saw a sign hanging in a house this weekend that read, "A complete family is God's masterpiece." I cannot think of anything more true. He must be very proud of all the masterpieces he's created because there are some beautiful families out here in this big world... mine being one of them. ♥
I have tiny butterflies forming in my tummy as August 2nd approaches....
I have tiny butterflies forming in my tummy as August 2nd approaches....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)